The Non-Actuarial Life Expectations

Perhaps it's really an asian thing (or maybe a chinese thing specifically), these are the most commonly questions/comments I got from my parents and relatives:

1. Have you got a boyfriend yet? You need to find a boyfriend now because you are already 20 something! No, not just any guys on the street, you need to find someone who is a US citizen, has a great job, a house and blah blah blah...

(My thought: Hey, if you really can find such a "perfect" guy, why don't YOU marry him? I'm not a gold-digger)

2. When are you going to send money home? We want half of your paycheck!

(My thought: Okay, here's the deal-- if you help me to pay off my high-interests student loans right now, I'll start sending money home.)

3. When are you coming home? Here's the list of stuffs you need to buy before you come back. Plus, are you treating everyone in the family a trip (to Thailand, Shanghai or Beijing etc.)?

(My thought: give me a break. Money doesn't grow on trees just because I graduated from college and work in the US. And I don't think I'll ever want to go home if you are still being so materialistics and "money-minded")

I'm happy with my life almost 97% of the times, except that when I start talking to my family and they starts to bring up the questions above. Fortunately/Unfortunately, I don't talk to them as often as I used to when I was still in college. It seems that my parents were more supportive (emotionally) back then.

Nowadays, only my dad still cares enough to call me once a week to see how I'm doing. My mom doesn't really call that often now since I told them I need to start taking care of my personal finance first before sending them money. Maybe they all think I"m selfish. But hey, how can you help others when you are still struggling financially? (As in, you gotta love yourself first before you can really love other people, right?)

I start getting tired of all these expectations from my family. And now, my conclusion is- I don't really care what they think about me now. What's more important for me -is to figure out how to take care of myself and how to build a solid foundation for my career and my future.

Probably this is the last time you hear me ranting about this family expectation stuffs becuase I also feel tired of ranting this stuff all the time.

Are these kind of life expectations only happen in a Chinese family? Does it happen in other cultures too? I really want to hear your thoughts.


Anonymous said...

There are times that I felt the same way as you do. But, in hard times, you will take it in different ways. That is Chinese tradition.

Christen said...

I don't think it is particularly Chinese. In a different way, my parents are helping me pay for school and they expect me to take care of them when I get out...

not-far-away said...

Well, i think that's how all foreign students, particularly from asia and africa, would encounter. Only the way they face such thoughts would be different. Yours, i think, is most probably from asian students, yet not particularly chinese though.