Friend Request

I don't know why you want to friend me on Facebook.

Are we friends?
Do we have a connection?

There are only two things I know about you:
1. You disliked my present at the Christmas Party.
2. You have a distinctive sneeze.

I guess we all have different definitions of what friends mean.

It Takes Two To Tango

Remember when we were kids, when we want to play with someone, we asked, "Do you want to play? Do you want to play with me?"

Usually the answers I got were either, "Sure, let's play together." or "No, I don't want want to play with you....".

Then as we grow up, we are getting busier and busier. Sometimes we are not as busy as we thought, we are just using "being busy" as an excuse to decline an opportunity.

For grown-ups, the response is usually, "Well, let me check my schedule first. Or It would be great if you can schedule a meeting on Outlook..."

I make friends easily and I also attract all kinds of amazing people to my life. Though there's one exception- No matter how hard I tried with my irresistible friendliness, I can't be friends with you if you decide not to.

有朋自远方来,不亦乐乎- 孔子

It is such a joy when there are friends visiting from afar- Confucius (My Translation)

S from San Diego finally decided to come to my city to visit me. For the last few days, we've been touring around the city. There are two requests from S- 1. We have to eat breakfast at least once at Dunkin' Donuts. 2. We must try White Castle at least once (as these two places don't have branches the Bay Area).

I wish I could have taken S to Potbelly and a Coney Island. A co-worker of S suggested S to visit a Coney Island in my area. S thought Coney Island is really a place that we might need to take a ferry to visit. :)

(Here are just some high-lights of my local vacation. There are more pictures on facebook. )

I recommended this Ajisin udon soup to S- it's the best udon soup in town.

Oddly enough, it's my first time eating Dunkin' Donuts too. I felt like I was a tourist when I walked into the store.

Though I've been here last year, I had to take S here as this Art Museum is a must see in my city. Luckily there is a new exhibition of Aschan artists, so I got to see something new this time.

Our all-time favourite- Bubble Tea! According to S, there are no good bubble tea places in her area. Actually, it's much more fun to drink bubble tea with friends.

We saw this restaurant on our way home. I thought the name of the restaurant looked like a misspell of a friend's name.

Though we both watched the Harold and Kumar go to White Castle movie, we've never been to White Castle before. So we decided to eat here on Saturday night. We looked up the closest White Castle online before we left our place. So the journey to White Castle was pretty much unadventurous. :)
Look at all the little, greasy burgers....

Sunday- we went to an Ethiopian restaurant for dinner since I've never tried it before.

These were our food (for 4 people). It's fun to eat with our hands. I felt like I was playing play-doh again.

Friendship can't be wrapped or tied

A wrote this on a card for me yesterday and I thought it is so nicely written that I need to share it here.

Friendship can't be wrapped or tied,
But it can be given away,
And friendship is your precious gift to others every day...
So here is wishing you a birthday that is blessed with all these things...
The joy and love and happiness your gift of friendship brings.

Let's keep in touch this time

I added S on facebook last night. We have known each other when I was a sophomore at Drake. I still remembered S worked in the front desk of my dorm and I would chat chat with her for awhile before going upstairs. After her graduation, we really lost touch. I faintly remembered she moved to Boston.

And today, I found out an interesting thing. This is what she told me, "You know what so interesting, i have been reading A for Actuary blog. And you are the blogger. :D".

Ha, it feels great to reconnect with some of my friends through my blog. :)

Warm your heart with Seaweed

I got a message from my college buddy D last night. She's coming to visit me next Friday! Since it's a last minute trip, she decided to drive 6.5 hours instead of buying an overly-priced air ticket.

This was our conversation regarding her trip:

D: Do you need anything from my city? We are going to stop by Chicago too. Do you need anything in Chicago?
Me: No... Don't worry about it. I think we can get almost everything here.
D: Anyway, we will stop by Chicago to get you some Korean Seaweed. We know how much you love it!

Korean Seaweed from a friend just warms my heart. Actually, the thought that a good old friend remembers "I love seaweed" warms my heart. :)

The Past is always Perfect

This was an email from my Junior College roommate, L.

I read your blog.....I really like it....It reminds me of times
back in Singapore.....u will always make me feel better when i'm
feeling down by saying stuff like what u wrote on your
blog...

I guess, after all, I'm still as light-hearted and hopeful as I was 7 years ago.

NYC Trip Recap

We had so much fun in NYC over the weekend. It's hard to describe everything in written words.

But here's a recap of places and activities:

1. Watched Spamalot, a musical on Broadway. (I'm glad I watched the Monty Python and the Holy Grail DVD the week before. Or else, I don't think I can understand most of the show.)

2. Visited the Metropolitan Museum of Art to feel more cultured and sophisticated

3. Walked around the Central Park

4. A walking tour to Time Square, Grand Central, Union Square, Little Italy, Canal Street and Chinatown. (I've never walked for so many hours in the last 2 years)

5. Had a delicious, Hong Kong style dinner at Big Wong King in Chinatown.

6. We stayed in R's brother's place in West Village. (Now, I started to appreciate more of my spacious apartment in a mid-west suburb)

7. Took the subway and buses. (Though using public transportation has always been part of my life, I still prefer driving.)

8. Saw the gay pride parade- and someone gave me a "Hot Asian" sticker. I'm flattered!

9. Had a relaxing lunch in a cozy, non-expensive but fancy French restaurant on Monday in West Village.

And here are the people we met:

1. R's brother- Thank you so much for letting us stay in your place!

2. Loli- Thank you so much for being our 'tour guide' on Saturday. Without you, I would be lost in the city. And I'll always remember that "snowing in the mid-June" incident. :)

3. Peggy- I couldn't believe I'll see you again. When did I see you last time? 1999, 2000? Wow, that was so last century!

4. JS- At last, I kept my words to come to NYC to see you. What a great mini-reunion. Though we only got a chance to meet up for dinner, I still feel our friendship is timeless.

5. Lori- Again, awesome people write awesome blogs is true (and vice versa). Thanks for meeting with us though you had a very busy schedule.

6. Sarah- Your Hollywood movie stars stories were fascinating and hilarious. It was such a pleasure to meet you.
   
   

   And coming up more pictures...

Testing Testing

If you know me, I like making new friends. Yet, there are so many people that we haven't met and there's always not enough time for quality hang-outs, what would you do?

Just like a company setting up interviews to screen the candidates, I suggest a personal screening test to screen your potential friends.

There are several ways I like to 'test' my would-be friends, just to see if they have some basic personalities that I like.

For example, I will invite someone for lunch/dinner and see if he/she shows up on time, or ditches me at the last minute.

Punctuality is a habit and it's hard to break. I don't like waiting for people in restaurants/theatres for too long. Since I want to like my friends as who they are, I might as well find someone who is going to be on time at the beginning.

Or I will write an email or leave a message and see how long it takes to respond.

Or I will see if he/she will look at me when I'm talking. (Friends take terms to listen and talk to each other.)

Trust me, not everyone I meet can pass these simple tests. But for those who pass, those are the keepers.

(And for those who are reading it and who knows me personally- yeah, I think you passed the test. ;))

The Day After- by S

The sun is shining bright
and blue skies could be seen from the east to the far west
Life is beautiful, especially the day after taking a SOA test

By S- an actuarial exam taker who is also a part-time poet. :)

Maybe I'm a trivial psychic too?

Remember my friend got an email from her boss about her being late for work? Actually a few nights ago, I had a dream about my friend about her work. In my dream, I saw her boss was talking to her in her cubicle.

Her boss said, "You almost got the promotion if you are a little bit more on top of things."

The next day, I told my friend about this. As usual, she thought I was being random again. Who knows, now we both realized that the "thing" that she should be mindful about is her punctuality at work.

So this is my "trivial psychic" experience. Gosh, I wish mine is as funny as Ed Glossers'. :)

I lost a friend (Part II)

You called me back on Sunday afternoon
You said, "finally I'm done being angry at you."
You said, "Though I'm not angry now, there's no guarantee that I won't kick you out again."


Why did you show up again when I'm about to forget you?
For the last two weeks,
I saw you in my dreams for a few times.
In my dream, you said,
"Everything happens for a reason.
You should forgive me and move on, Y."

That's enough.
I've been hurt and I don't want to be hurt twice.
I can forgive you but everything wouldn't be the same.

Friendship is a two-way street.
It's about giving and taking.

After all these, I feel like I'm your toy that you can toss.
No, you didn't apologize because you didn't think you did anything wrong.
You didn't even bother to ask me how I felt.

To tell you the truth,
I felt really upset.
(So upset that I don't even have mood for blogging.)

All I want is to be surrounded by people who love and respect me.
If you treat me as your friend,
you would not abandon me in the first place.

I'm a little bit coward here and I don't have the guts to tell you all these.
I hope you will find a new friend.
And I hope we drift apart and move on.

I lost a friend

We've known each other for almost two years.
We've been talking to each other on the phone almost every day.
We shared our life stories.
We shared laughter and we shared not-so-happy moments together.

I thought you'd be my friends for a long, long time.

You talked about your work life,
I listened.
You talked about your love life,
I listened.
You talked about your past,
I also listened.

I know being a friend also means being a listener .
So I listened to you quietly and attentively.
In fact, I really enjoyed our conversation-
I understand the world more from a different perspective through your experience.

Two days ago, I told you that I felt upset/angry about a comment you made that afternoon.
You said, "That's fine, please do not contact me anymore."

I thought you were joking.

I called you again yesterday to see if you would still like to talk.
I thought it's not a big deal after all.
You sent me an email with this,
"I prefer not to keep in touch. Please delete everything about me in your system."

What is this?
Can anyone tell me what this is?
What does a two-year friendship worth?

That's it, end of conversation, end of friendship.
If expressing my true feeling kills this friendship,
then this friendship is really fragile.

To me, you are always my friend and my mentor in life for the last two years.
I know you will not contact me anymore.
I know you've done this to your friends before,
I know you are darn serious about it.
And I know you will keep your words.

I wish you all the best.
I wish all of your dreams will come true.
And now, I can accept the fact,
I really lost a friend.

A Quote of Passion from Celini

"Passion without action, it's only an illusion."- Celini

My friend Celini was saying this sentence in her presentation earlier this week and people started wondering where she found this quote from. Actually she wrote it herself!

You've Got the Whole World...

During Thanksgiving, while we were taking the train in Chicago, C and I were talking about our work lives since both of us just started working this year. She said, "Y, I think it's more difficult for us to become a consultant because English is not our first language and Americans like to do business with Americans."

Not a while ago, I finally realized that it is good to be different and I should treasure my uniqueness. Like what Bert Decker said, "If you have a difference that sets you apart, use it." What can I say, when you are the minority of the minority of the minority in this country (being female, foreign-born and Asian), you just need to come up with some reasons to validate your "self-worth" ;)

I was pondering about what C said for awhile. I wondered if her statement was true because it contradicted with my beliefs. Sometimes, I'm just like the Chicken Little who believes the sky is falling, yet I also believe that sky is the limit and building a castle in the air is also possible (well, if I apply myself :)).

So during a meeting with my mentor- at-work, I brought up this story and asked her what she thought. The first thing K said--" No, that's not true. People (not just Americans) like to deal with people with personalities and with good communication skill. From the perspective of clients, as long as they can understand you, it's more important to get things done and deliver quality services. Besides, Y, when the world is flat, with your backgrounds, you've got the whole world. And now...you just have to take it."

Life doesn't get much better than that......

I read this article The Future of Work on Fast Company last week and this reminds me of something that D told me just a few weeks before I started working.

D said, "Good luck to your career! Remember to have fun through it all. No reasons why only top athletes can have fun in their chosen profession. If you approach it as a consulting game, then all the hours of work and preparation seems like shooting baskets and physical conditioning to a basketball player. And the challenge of the "game" such as competitions, deadlines, and other obstacles are just that challenges of the game. Enjoy!!"

So far, going to work is just like solving many mini-puzzles. (Well, it's just a metaphor here, I'm not a very big fan on puzzle. I prefer Sudoku better ;)) Everyday, I'm getting a little bit better at understanding the "hints" and acquiring more tricks and techniques to be a smarter player. Though it may take a while to figure everything out, I believe everything I learned this year will all fit together so that I can solve a bigger puzzle (or Sudoku) next year!

"Life doesn't get much better than that, when you are having fun with what you do."

A Message To Lori (I'm just a messenger :))

Thanks to the power of the "word of mouth" from a passionate reader (aka. me ;)), my friend Ros was reading your blog yesterday. She was trying to leave you a comment but apparently there was an error message every time when she tried to summit the reply (We couldn't figure out why). Since she couldn't find your email address from the "About Us" page, I volunteered to pass her message to you here. (It's my pleasure anyway.)

(Lori, what is your email address, by the way?)

And here's Ros's comment on this blog post:

"This is my first time reading your blog, so, I've been reading backward to your archives, and I found the story about Starbucks.

I would like to share an experience similar to the story above, it happened in Chicago years back. It was raining, and late at night during the 4th of July weekend. Since the Starbucks store has a canopy in front of the store, and it was raining, we decided to stop and shed ourselves from the rain in front of the Starbucks (it was closed by the way, only a few workers left).

The employee of the store saw us drenching and standing outside the store, then he open the store for us to come in and have some hot coffee and let us dry for a little bit!! I think that was one of my most memorable 4th of July. "

Any thoughts on this, Lori?

The Friendship Highway

This is an analogy I heard from a friend a few years ago. Yesterday, I mentioned this analogy to Q. Since we are both the "creative" individuals, we added a few more ideas to this analogy to make it more interesting.

Let say you are driving on a freeway, there are other cars driving next to you with the same speed....those are your friends in life.

Sooner or later, some cars are going to exit and those are your friends that phase out or you don't really contact anymore.

Later on, some of the cars that you saw earlier (your old friends) will get back onto the freeway and drive next to you again...and i call it the "reunion".

Accidents are the drama occur between you and friends or others.

Traffic jams means you are being too popular and too many people want to be friends with you at the same time.

Constructions are life's setbacks (i.e., death of a loved one). You can still go around it. Though it may take some time, but life moves on.

A speeding ticket is a financial setback.

Internet friends are the cars you see on the expressways.

And to those who subscribe any personals website memberships, you are driving on a toll road ;).

Book smart vs. Street smart

My friend CL gave me a piece of suggestion the other day. She said, "Y, I know you like to read a lot and you are good at studying in school and for the actuarial exams. I think you are booksmart enough. Now it's time to challenge yourself and to develop your street smart. You need both to succeed."

So I used my book smart to do a research on the web about street smart. I couldn't find too much info on how to become street smart (except watching the Apprectice ;)). Street smart is mostly learned by first-hand experience. But is there a way to shorten up the time to become street smart then?

I asked P about it. And from his experience in the business world (25 years or more, maybe?), this is what he thought, again it's a gem of wisdom:

On “street smart”: The term as I have understood it relates to practical knowledge, often learned (unfortunately) the hard way. I usually think of the term as an understanding of human nature, recognizing that people operate out of their own motives and self interest, and so often when you are dealing with someone, things are not as they appear.

That isn’t to say everyone is out to take advantage of you, in fact I like to think the opposite is often true. But it means that when you deal with people (and this is especially true in the business world), you need to know that while the interests of several people may be complementary, they are rarely identical.

Words of wisdom that capture the concept: “Trust everyone but always cut the cards.” Or as JFK put it, “It’s okay to forgive your enemies as long as you always remember their names.” A healthy cynicism, perhaps....


Thanks P, I'll keep your words in mind. So lesson number 1 on street smart for me is: being street smart is to have an understanding of human nature.

My Collection---Friendships

Some people collect stamps, others collect baseball cards or comic books, and I collect friends.

Just like every stamp tells a story, there's a story behind every friendship. Some people have their own favorite comic books in their collections. They would take it out to look at it once in awhile. I stay in touch with my friends whenever I can. (e.g. next week, I'll be in Chicago to see some of my college buddies. JS, I'll keep my words and come to NYC to see you early next year!)

Through a common friend, My friend S and I are going to have lunch with a very accomplished actuary next month. It would be a good opportunity to ask some questions and to learn. (i.e. I love picking people's brains for ideas and experiences). Of course, I have to tell my boss about it since the lunch will be on a weekday and it takes about two hours (including time to commute). The first thing my boss said to me was, "You are very good at networking."

I don't know if this is networking or not. Somehow, I feel "networking" has a negative connotation of using a friend or job searching. One thing I know, is that, I love making friends and connecting with people. It's fascinating for me to hear their stories, where they came from, their failures and successes, and their dreams and aspirations.

In "The Tipping Point by Malcom Gladwell", there are three types of people who shapes the world---the Connector, the Mavens and the Salesmen. Hopefully, I will be a Connector someday.